I did not go in

I stood outside the police place today. Fifteen whole minutes. My sky book was in my bag. I could feel it. Warm from my hand. I did not open the door.

I went to a cafe. I drank cold water. I sat a long time. Then I called the lady from the women's help place. Her name is Bae. Her voice was soft. She did not rush me.

I let her read some of my blue pages. She is the first new eyes in so long.

Now I sit here. My pen is blue. Her name is on the last page. Under not yet.

I keep thinking. What if I had walked in this morning. Why is one door so hard.

Aigoo. I am so tired. The fairy lights are on. I will try to sleep.