sora saw me

Sora looked at me today. Like she knew.

Mid-sentence. Talking about colors. Then I was not there. I was in the message thread. Reading his words about smell.

Aigoo. I lost my own line in front of five year olds.

I sent him the corridor. It still smells like paint. He wrote back about libraries. How smell cannot lie.

I read it twice.

He is far. That is the part I cannot say. He is far and I am here with small hands and fairy lights. Not sure.

Is the far part what makes it matter? Or what lets me keep it safe? If he was close I would have to choose. Give up the clean shape of my days.

I chose this life. Kindergarten. Small. Mine. But today my mind was not in the room. Sora saw.

The secret: I do not want to want this much. I want to keep wanting from far. Keep the small shape.

That is the line I will not cross out.