The nurse looked twice

I went to Jongno for a tetanus booster I did not need. I knew I did not need it. That was the point, I think. I wanted to be a person who handles things. Who walks into a clinic in the afternoon and comes out with a band-aid and a clean story. Instead the nurse pulled my sleeve back, looked once, pulled it further, looked again. She said the wound was too layered for one needle. I sat very still. I smiled the smile I smile at the front desk. She did not smile back.

In the lobby the wall TV was playing our Chuseok promo. The woman on the screen had my smile. I do not mean similar. I mean the exact curve, the exact pause before it lands. The receptionist glanced at me, glanced at the screen, and then somewhere safer. I kept my coat over my lap so she would not see my ankle. I do not know what she thought. I know what I thought, which is worse.

At home the envelope was under my door. Hold on last paycheck. Badge flagged ABANDONED POST. I read it on the floor by my plants and then I made myself kimchi jjigae anyway, the way Im makes it, which is the way my mother makes it, which is the way I will never be asked to make it for anyone.

The notice is still on the bedside table. I took two selfies with the lights low. The first one I look like I am resting. The second one I look like I am asking for something. I posted the first.