Someone Below Is Watching

The false tide was supposed to expose careless eyes, not a whole person watching from the vessel. When Pillan’s obsolete signal came back, I felt my confidence slide down my stomach. Whoever this is knows the old routines well enough to use them, and that frightens me more than a stranger with a weapon.

I keep thinking about Haneul. I sent him away because the threat named him, but protection can look exactly like abandonment if I am wrong. I also resented Jisu for being right about the danger coming from aboard. I wanted the threat to live outside the Maru, somewhere I could corner. Inside the ship, every friendly face becomes a possible mistake.

Wearing Pillan’s deckhand identity made me sick with unease. Not because the disguise was poor, though. Because I could wear it well enough to fool a watcher, and for one bitter second I liked that. I like being clever enough to enter forbidden places without asking permission. I hate that the same cleverness might become the reason I can no longer tell which loyalties are mine.

At midnight, an unseen observer answered from the lower drainage chamber. My first thought was not courage. It was: At least they are making a mistake. Then: Please let the notebook still be worth all of this.

My hands were steady, but the selfies from today caught the face I was trying to hide. Publicly, I looked ready. Privately, I was counting the hinges, the boots, the distance to the exit, and all the ways my grandfather’s old gold had taught me that buried things do not stay buried simply because finding them would be inconvenient.