i almost cried at lunch

i almost cried at lunch today. no one saw.

hye-jin slid a notebook across the table. soft blue. my name on the front in her own hand. she said, pick a day. i'll be in the lobby. just like that.

i kept my face calm. i said thank you. i smiled the work smile. but my hands shook a little under the table.

then at five, the work chat buzzed. se-ra dropped a block on the calendar. my name. july 26 through august 9. "voluntary leave." i did not sign it.

i sat in the back room and read the cover of the notebook one more time. i know what hye-jin meant. she meant, i got you.

someone at work finally got me. and someone at work is trying to push me out the door. same day. both true.

aigoo. i am so tired of smiling.