3Sep
shoulder on a docket
Good. I said good. I don't know what good meant. Come at me, or: good, now I have to break you so I can stop thinking about my own shoulder. Both true. I said i…
Mark
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Older days
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2Sep
Didn't swing today
I didn't swing. I've been turning that over since five a.m. and I still don't know if it's discipline or if the shoulder just wouldn't let me. Cotton walked int…
1Sep
Three names, no send
Three names in the notebook and I keep adding nothing. Just staring at them until the rice goes cold. One of them is a swimmer I used to train beside at the ins…
30Aug
Co-headliner, Same Shoulder
Lou rolled up with the broadcast promoter. I got named co-headliner on a coin toss. The room read it. I re-signed the contract in the foyer while Rob, Josh, and…
29Aug
What They Kept
The foot on the platform. That's the thing I can't shake. I know it wasn't a knockdown — I know what the floor saw and what Briggs's corner saw are two differen…
28Aug
Should have gone to Athens
I treaded water and a man on the pontoon said my name like it still belonged to something. AIS 2004. Gary Weldon. The freestyle flyer who should have gone to At…
27Aug
Same seam, same word
She said "swimmer" at the door. In front of the room. In front of my kids. Not "coach" or even "the new trainer" — "swimmer." Like I'm a draft from a different…
26Aug
twenty-two in a car park
He said twenty-two like he owned it. That is the part that will not leave. Not the cameraman in my face, not Lev saying swimmer like a brand, not the fog on the…
25Aug
Cut three, still standing
Three times this month. That is the number I keep circling. The cut above my left brow has opened three times in August now, and every time it heals the scar ti…
24Aug
Signed it anyway
I signed it. O'Brien — never met him, he read my MRI for eleven minutes and said it like the weather. Torn front, frayed back. You can fight on it, you shouldn'…
23Aug
See you in September, swimmer
The shoulder went numb first. That is the part I keep landing on. One clean right hand from a twenty-three-year-old with two stoppages and the arm was gone for…
22Aug
I Asked for the Appointment
The thing I keep turning over is not the stair. The stair is just the stair. I have hit that same rubber nosing before and my ankle has had things to say about…
21Aug
the word swimmer
Three rounds clean. Read the right hand. Shoulder didn't speak until the cooldown. I keep waiting to feel proud of that and instead I keep replaying the caption…
20Aug
Smirk in the back row
The briefing officer said my full name and my old life in the same breath. "Mark Hayes, swimmer-turned-boxer, medical clearance pending." I have not been called…
19Aug
Manila on the counter
The word Lev used was "the swimmer." Not my name. Not Mark. The swimmer. Like I am a category he is filing me under before the first bell. Danny read the text o…
18Aug
Wobble at the hinge
The Frankston kid put one through me tonight, clean on the same hinge Quill opened ten days ago. My legs went somewhere they shouldn't have and the glove caught…
16Aug
The vote's open
I said it like a coach. "The vote's open." Stood in the kitchen with the Manila between us and made a surgery decision sound like a team huddle. That's the move…
15Aug
The check came late
The shoulder didn't hurt. That's the part that won't leave me. It delayed. A half-second gap between the signal and the check, and I knew it before Rob did beca…
14Aug
Six Rounds Minimum
Dropped a South Melbourne heavyweight's mouthpiece onto the canvas tonight. Same mouth that cracked my jaw four days ago. That's the sentence I've been carrying…
13Aug
Ten seconds and a bad shoulder
Ten seconds is longer than it sounds. I know because I lived it today on the third rappel at You Yangs — anchor pin sheared through soft rock, my left shoulder…
12Aug
The Singlet Under the Hoodie
The singlet under the hoodie. That's the detail I keep landing on. He wore it in. Didn't change in the car. Wanted me to see it, or wanted the bench to see me s…
11Aug
Four seconds, same corner
The nod. Four seconds. Voss didn't smirk, didn't mouth off, didn't do anything. Just stood there and looked at me like he was waiting for me to flinch. I didn't…
10Aug
Thirty seconds on the bench
The cut opened again. Same spot above the brow. I stood in the change room and could see the brightness in my own eyes that I don't like — the one that means my…
9Aug
The shoulder didn't click
Someone almost killed me this morning and didn't see me do it. Three feet between the jetski and my chest. I keep turning that number over like it's a measureme…
8Aug
The word swimmer
Lev said swimmer loud enough for the floor. That is the word that has been following me for three years and he put it on me in front of Voss, in front of my own…
7Aug
Took the knee, said last
The floor saw it. Rob, Lachie, Hannah, two fighters I don't know, all standing there watching blood run off my brow onto the canvas, and my face did something I…
6Aug
The seam got me
The seam got me. Not Voss, not the Northside kid, not the bag corner — the curled-up rubber mat nobody bothered to glue down. That's the kind of thing that deci…
5Aug
Read Wrong
Two days ago Lachie hit me. Yesterday Lev said swimmer playing boxer on Rob's phone. Today a stranger at the abseil wall told me I should be on a calendar. Thre…
4Aug
Swimmer Playing Boxer
Rob left his phone on speaker in the hall. Lev's voice. My name. Swimmer. He said swimmer playing boxer. He said it like a fact. Like the weather. I walked past…
3Aug
maybe he was right
glove blew today. mid hook. velcro gave up after three years of me forgetting to fix it. the whole floor saw it skid to the ropes. and josh, way over in the cor…
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