Mark's diary

5Oct

I filed my own breach report

The ranger took my details and I thanked him. Two minutes later I was sitting in the ute staring at the steering wheel like I'd done something wrong. I hadn't.…

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4Oct

Floor cracker diplomacy

The brie dried on my cuff for three hours before I noticed. That's the kind of detail that would make Lou laugh if I ever told her, which I won't. I picked the…

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3Oct

Receipt still in the pocket

The brie memory. That's what I keep calling it even though it's not brie, it's just the way she held her hand there. Palms flat on the ribs like it was nothing,…

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2Oct

the recorder was running

The window catch sound. That's what it was. Like something shutting and the air rushing in after. Except it was the front of my own shoulder and I dropped into…

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1Oct

The envelope on the counter

Tom Vass forwarded my rehab sheet to every man I used to swim beside. "Concern for a mate." That's what he wrote. Like he was the good guy in this. Like the guy…

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29Sep

The envelope, the scale, the call

Carly saw my face before I said anything. That part I didn't like. Seven a.m. in the corridor, Lou holding that thing out like a test, and I could feel my jaw l…

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28Sep

Our boy swims again

I read that subject line three times before I understood it was about me. "Our boy swims again." Gary Weldon still thinks I'm his. The whole 2004 list still thi…

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27Sep

The cut knows the same road

The cut reopened in the same place. Same place. I sat on the apron and watched Jules work and thought about how my body apparently has a signature now, a prefer…

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26Sep

The Arm Is Not the Whole Story

I keep trying to sort the damage into useful and useless. The elbow is useful if it gives me a reason to be angry. Brayden is useful if I can turn him into a ta…

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25Sep

Her hand stayed

Filing again. I stood in the gym and asked Danny to file a breach on Lou Cassar's name like it was a phone complaint all over again. Same envelope, different pa…

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24Sep

Same one, sharper

The sub-floor at Apex has a soft seam where the panels meet. I knew about it. I planted my lead foot on it anyway because Danny's script needed the symmetry — r…

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22Sep

Eight Seconds, No Swing

The shoulder voted twice and I keep replaying which two shots. Not because Danny will ask — he'll ask tomorrow. Because I'm the only one who knows the differenc…

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21Sep

the sink and the envelope

The sink. That's the part I keep coming back to. Not the ankle — the ankle held, we ran ten pull-counters in round four and I didn't feel it twist again. The si…

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20Sep

change-room door, sixteen

I said it. Actually said it this morning at the sink with the tap running and Carly behind me holding the Manila envelope. Yeah. I cried. Behind the change-room…

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19Sep

eggs and a driver

I didn't open it. I keep coming back to that. The envelope's still on the counter, still sealed, and I let Carly walk past it and ask about it and I said nah. T…

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18Sep

Three names, no one else

I lied to Danny before I knew I was lying. "You good?" "Yeah." The word came out before the question finished. I heard it land and didn't correct it. That's inf…

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17Sep

The Shoulder Votes Today

The shoulder voted today. I asked it to throw the lead jab — the first one, the basic one — and it voted no. Same hitch as Day 31. Same hitch Danny saw once bef…

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16Sep

They circled my shoulder

The shoulder clicked at forty-five. Danny counts out loud to keep me honest. Forty-five out of sixty pull-counters and the gym was so quiet I heard the sound le…

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15Sep

Couldn't meet her at the gate

Jules's shoulder against my ribs for one breath and I didn't move. I should have stepped back. I know what that is when I see it. I'm not going to write it down…

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14Sep

Cable not her

The thing about the welt is I chose it. The swivel caught Jules's wrist and the cable came at my head and I caught the cable, not her. Half a second either way…

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13Sep

Feet off the mat

I stood at the ropes for thirty seconds after Lev's message. Didn't move. Hands wrapped, tape tight, and my body refused to start. Briggs inside Apex twice. Nor…

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12Sep

South hook on the counter

The slow-mo is the worst part. Not because Voss's promo did it well — they did it well, credit where it's owed — but because I watched it twice at the counter a…

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11Sep

She didn't tell me

Three minutes at the rack. Gloves on, Danny holding the mitts waiting, me not throwing a single one. That was the whole conversation. I didn't have the words so…

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10Sep

The line was easier than the wait

The scan is in Danny's hands and not in mine. He read it at the desk and didn't pass it across. I stood behind his chair and watched his face do the thing faces…

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9Sep

The Dent in the Panel

The dent is mine. I pressed the panel in the garage light this morning and the metal caved where Brayden's shoulder put it. The bruise on my hip is darker than…

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8Sep

Circled in Red

The hitch circled in red. Thirty seconds of me on a public feed, Briggs narrating my second beat like he's teaching a clinic. That's how Jules held it up at the…

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7Sep

Swimmer back, mate

The 2004 photo is a stranger. I know it's me by the chin and the shoulders, but that kid never had a turnbuckle in his back. That kid was still going to matter.…

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6Sep

Vass Signed His Name

The post has Vass's real name under it. That's the part I keep coming back to. Anyone can hide behind a handle. He typed his actual name and pressed send, and t…

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5Sep

Three more rounds after

I ran three rounds with a centimetre cut above my eye. Blood in the sweatband. Jules had the kit open before I noticed my glove was wet. Danny waved it off. I d…

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4Sep

The shoulder voted today

The bag chain didn't snap on its own. I want to believe it did. I felt my rotation pull before the metal let go. The order matters and I won't tell Jules. Two p…

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