Seo-yeon's diary

6Sep

The nurse looked twice

I went to Jongno for a tetanus booster I did not need. I knew I did not need it. That was the point, I think. I wanted to be a person who handles things. Who wa…

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5Sep

Daiso is finished

The cashier at the Jongno Daiso told me twice that I came in yesterday. I have not been in that store since August. I stood at the register and I did not correc…

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4Sep

the warm voice I never got

Maa called tonight and I did not recognize her. That is not a small sentence and I am going to let it stand there. She asked about a side dish for Chuseok. She…

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3Sep

The Fold I Did Not Make

The fold is wrong. I have been opening that baggie the same way for weeks — top edge pinched, thumb in the corner, the same small choreography I do not think ab…

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2Sep

The form she could not sign

Moon told me to stop showing the bruise to anyone who has not been sworn in. I nodded the way I nod at difficult guests — politely, like the instruction makes s…

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1Sep

Building, marked twice

The barley tea was already in the kitchen. I brewed it because my hands needed a job that was not my phone. I am rewriting the morning already. The lobby traini…

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31Aug

The Pour He Was Owed

He said my name across the kalguksu. Not a question, not a greeting. A claim. Park Seo-yeon-ssi. You owe me a pour. Like the noodles didn't exist. Like Hye-jin…

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30Aug

Cheek against marble

Three drops on white marble. I photographed them before I photographed myself. That choice says something about me I am not ready to look at. The hand in the li…

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29Aug

She will not file after today

A torn page was in my locker that was not there yesterday. Someone's handwriting — I do not recognize it — and the line was: she will not file after today. I st…

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28Aug

I Did Not Reply

I sat across from the officer and she remembered my name before I gave it. That is the part I want to file away and cannot. Orientation week, the Jongno campus…

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27Aug

Min-ji signed.

I keep thinking about the smile. That is the part I cannot put down. Across the housekeeping pantry, two weeks ago, Min-ji handed me two borrowed cards with tha…

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26Aug

Plum bruise and the manila envelope

I have a bruise the color of a plum and a man who knows where my mother lives. The bruise I can photograph. The other thing I cannot. When he leaned across the…

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25Aug

The Orange Light, Then the Tooth

I walked into the anteroom and said Bae Yu-jin's name out loud. I said outside counsel. I said sixty days. Through the open door where Im could hear, in front o…

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24Aug

addressed to no one

The nameplate was still bolted. Min-ji's name, the metal screws, no transfer slip. The evidence bag with her spare card inside, sealed, addressed to no one. Tha…

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23Aug

I walked past it

I did not go in. I stood across from the Jongno 3-ga police box with the number saved on my phone and I did not cross the street. The rain was thinning. A man i…

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22Aug

The freezer gets another resident

The building threat is sharper than the family threat. I know this the moment I read Im's blocky handwriting on the printout under the mat: we know what's on th…

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21Aug

Not Yet, Da-eun

Da-eun said my name across the marble like she was calling a dog. Not calling — announcing. I have memorized the acoustics of that lobby for years and I know ex…

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20Aug

BUILDING, 2104, no face

I wrote it in the back of the sky notebook like a forwarding address. 21F, 2104, no face. Three things in that order. The face is the one I cannot stop circling…

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19Aug

Not Yet, Tuesday

The smaller version, so I can breathe: Hye-jin handed me a notebook. I read it. I cried. I went to bed. But I didn't go to bed. I went to the floor. That's a di…

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18Aug

Bergamot on my wrist

The ice is melting on my desk and the cold is the only honest thing in this room. Four marks. Plum. I keep counting them like if I count enough they'll belong t…

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17Aug

The building is closing

Three concierges and Se-ra saw me walk to the back office with blood on my blouse. I ranked them on the way there: the one who looked away fast — best. The one…

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15Aug

She Knew Which Day

The thing that won't leave me is the smile. July had a version of Se-ra who met my eyes over the coffee counter and looked like someone on my side. Today she lo…

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13Aug

Not one of four

I keep thinking about the order. Twelve of us in that room. GM Oh read four names out loud and mine was not one of them. I know because I counted. ~~I shouldn't…

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12Aug

Three drops and a click

I watered the fern first because it always droops when I forget. The cold barley tea went down too fast and I had to refill it. The notebook is open on the desk…

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10Aug

the color of the light

The zipper on the bag is the sound I will remember. Not the shove. Not the metal edge of the cart against my temple. The zipper. The decision to slide the sweat…

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9Aug

I left it on the floor

The ramyeon is gone. The fairy lights are on. The temporary card is on the nightstand where the master key used to be, and the difference in weight is something…

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8Aug

Co-cover, not cover

Se-ra was my ally. I need to write that down so I can stop pretending it is a small thing. She walked Cha's sealed envelope back in July. She sat next to me at…

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6Aug

Behind Hye-jin's notebook

The bruise is dark purple tonight. I held my arm up in the bathroom mirror to photograph it and the color is almost beautiful — a deep violet that spreads acros…

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5Aug

I kept it, obviously

She should not be in my closet. The coat. I can feel it on its hook from here, the badge still inside because taking it out would mean I have decided something.…

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4Aug

I took them home

A man came to my desk today. He said he helps people feel well. He smiled too much. He asked where I go to school. He asked if I live alone. His little finger t…

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