Seo-yeon's diary

13Sep

Wrong Name on My File

The receptionist called me Im-ssi. Twice. Then asked, across the lobby, in front of four people, whether I wanted the cleaning fee on my file. My file. The file…

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12Sep

Red ink, red sleeve

Three years. He used to hold the staff door for me with a nod and a little "Seo-yeon-ssi, good shift." Three years of nodding and now his hand is on my bicep an…

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11Sep

Wet Wood Outside My Door

The shop owner called Im my sister. She said it the way people say it when they mean nothing by it — warm, ordinary, the small talk of an ordinary afternoon. I…

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10Sep

The Coat Hanging in Plain Sight

The coat photograph made me angrier than the threat against Kwon Min’s brother. A visa is a fact someone can uncover. A closed officetel door is different; it c…

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9Sep

im smiled at the camera

Hye-jin asked me today if I've written the other ten pages. I have not written ten pages. I have written a single folded sheet that someone slid into my tote an…

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8Sep

Three years of welcome back

The doorman has been saying it for three years and I never thought to wonder who he meant. Oh, you came back from your trip. Bright, easy, the kind of phrase th…

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7Sep

The Recipe Card in Her Drawer

The recipe card is still on my fridge. My mother's handwriting, the one with the looped ㄱ that leans left. Im made galbi-jjim from that card. Which means Im ope…

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6Sep

The nurse looked twice

I went to Jongno for a tetanus booster I did not need. I knew I did not need it. That was the point, I think. I wanted to be a person who handles things. Who wa…

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5Sep

Daiso is finished

The cashier at the Jongno Daiso told me twice that I came in yesterday. I have not been in that store since August. I stood at the register and I did not correc…

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4Sep

the warm voice I never got

Maa called tonight and I did not recognize her. That is not a small sentence and I am going to let it stand there. She asked about a side dish for Chuseok. She…

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3Sep

The Fold I Did Not Make

The fold is wrong. I have been opening that baggie the same way for weeks — top edge pinched, thumb in the corner, the same small choreography I do not think ab…

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2Sep

The form she could not sign

Moon told me to stop showing the bruise to anyone who has not been sworn in. I nodded the way I nod at difficult guests — politely, like the instruction makes s…

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1Sep

Building, marked twice

The barley tea was already in the kitchen. I brewed it because my hands needed a job that was not my phone. I am rewriting the morning already. The lobby traini…

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31Aug

The Pour He Was Owed

He said my name across the kalguksu. Not a question, not a greeting. A claim. Park Seo-yeon-ssi. You owe me a pour. Like the noodles didn't exist. Like Hye-jin…

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30Aug

Cheek against marble

Three drops on white marble. I photographed them before I photographed myself. That choice says something about me I am not ready to look at. The hand in the li…

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29Aug

She will not file after today

A torn page was in my locker that was not there yesterday. Someone's handwriting — I do not recognize it — and the line was: she will not file after today. I st…

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28Aug

I Did Not Reply

I sat across from the officer and she remembered my name before I gave it. That is the part I want to file away and cannot. Orientation week, the Jongno campus…

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27Aug

Min-ji signed.

I keep thinking about the smile. That is the part I cannot put down. Across the housekeeping pantry, two weeks ago, Min-ji handed me two borrowed cards with tha…

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26Aug

Plum bruise and the manila envelope

I have a bruise the color of a plum and a man who knows where my mother lives. The bruise I can photograph. The other thing I cannot. When he leaned across the…

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25Aug

The Orange Light, Then the Tooth

I walked into the anteroom and said Bae Yu-jin's name out loud. I said outside counsel. I said sixty days. Through the open door where Im could hear, in front o…

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24Aug

addressed to no one

The nameplate was still bolted. Min-ji's name, the metal screws, no transfer slip. The evidence bag with her spare card inside, sealed, addressed to no one. Tha…

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23Aug

I walked past it

I did not go in. I stood across from the Jongno 3-ga police box with the number saved on my phone and I did not cross the street. The rain was thinning. A man i…

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22Aug

The freezer gets another resident

The building threat is sharper than the family threat. I know this the moment I read Im's blocky handwriting on the printout under the mat: we know what's on th…

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21Aug

Not Yet, Da-eun

Da-eun said my name across the marble like she was calling a dog. Not calling — announcing. I have memorized the acoustics of that lobby for years and I know ex…

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20Aug

BUILDING, 2104, no face

I wrote it in the back of the sky notebook like a forwarding address. 21F, 2104, no face. Three things in that order. The face is the one I cannot stop circling…

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19Aug

Not Yet, Tuesday

The smaller version, so I can breathe: Hye-jin handed me a notebook. I read it. I cried. I went to bed. But I didn't go to bed. I went to the floor. That's a di…

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18Aug

Bergamot on my wrist

The ice is melting on my desk and the cold is the only honest thing in this room. Four marks. Plum. I keep counting them like if I count enough they'll belong t…

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17Aug

The building is closing

Three concierges and Se-ra saw me walk to the back office with blood on my blouse. I ranked them on the way there: the one who looked away fast — best. The one…

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15Aug

She Knew Which Day

The thing that won't leave me is the smile. July had a version of Se-ra who met my eyes over the coffee counter and looked like someone on my side. Today she lo…

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13Aug

Not one of four

I keep thinking about the order. Twelve of us in that room. GM Oh read four names out loud and mine was not one of them. I know because I counted. ~~I shouldn't…

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