Seo-yeon's diary

12Aug

Three drops and a click

I watered the fern first because it always droops when I forget. The cold barley tea went down too fast and I had to refill it. The notebook is open on the desk…

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10Aug

the color of the light

The zipper on the bag is the sound I will remember. Not the shove. Not the metal edge of the cart against my temple. The zipper. The decision to slide the sweat…

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9Aug

I left it on the floor

The ramyeon is gone. The fairy lights are on. The temporary card is on the nightstand where the master key used to be, and the difference in weight is something…

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8Aug

Co-cover, not cover

Se-ra was my ally. I need to write that down so I can stop pretending it is a small thing. She walked Cha's sealed envelope back in July. She sat next to me at…

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6Aug

Behind Hye-jin's notebook

The bruise is dark purple tonight. I held my arm up in the bathroom mirror to photograph it and the color is almost beautiful — a deep violet that spreads acros…

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5Aug

I kept it, obviously

She should not be in my closet. The coat. I can feel it on its hook from here, the badge still inside because taking it out would mean I have decided something.…

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4Aug

I took them home

A man came to my desk today. He said he helps people feel well. He smiled too much. He asked where I go to school. He asked if I live alone. His little finger t…

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3Aug

Red on the board

I saw my name on the board today. Red letters. Right where Myung-hee's used to be. They made me the 21st floor lead. Everyone saw. I smiled like I was happy. My…

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2Aug

His Money, My Voice

I sit at my little desk. Tae-oh watches me from the wall. I need him close. I cut the envelope open slow. My hands are steady. A letter from a lawyer. Nice pape…

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1Aug

Two times I swallowed it

I smiled when he gave me the envelope. Same smile I always give. Three years of it. In my bag it sat. I did not open it. Not at work. Not with the marble floor…

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31Jul

Which One Is Me

I pinned up the third page today. Now all three are on the wall. They face each other. It looks like they are fighting over who I really am. I folded the green…

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30Jul

A different verb

i signed it. i did the thing. blue pen. 30th floor. oh signed under me. they all said good job seo-yeon. i smiled the smile i keep for work. on the walk home i…

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29Jul

I Asked Her Not To

I held the paper and smiled at Se-ra. I said thank you. I said okay. Inside my head I was already doing the math. Cha's booking is back. Sept 11 to 13. My name…

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28Jul

Not yet

I stood at the police station like a person who was going to go in. Fifteen minutes. The sky notebook was in my bag the whole time. I could feel the spine throu…

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27Jul

He remembered my name

Today the GM came down to our floor. Same dining room. Same wood walls. He bowed small, like we know each other. We do. He took my photo two years ago for the b…

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26Jul

Mom heard it anyway

Morning shift. Sunday. I clock in at 7:42 in uniform. The lobby is quiet. I smile at guests all day. My face hurts by noon. Then eomma calls. I put on my good v…

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25Jul

i almost cried at lunch

i almost cried at lunch today. no one saw. hye-jin slid a notebook across the table. soft blue. my name on the front in her own hand. she said, pick a day. i'll…

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24Jul

A Man I Never Met

Today a man I never met is going to read about me. I slid a folder across a table at 3:17. Brown paper. Sealed. My hands were not cold but I feel them cold anyw…

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23Jul

He Has His Own Map

Soft blue pen tonight. I need the soft one. Manager Im came at 11:42. He had the log. He did not smile. He pointed at one line. July 8th. 11:14 p.m. Kim Dong-hy…

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22Jul

i have my own list

Se-ra handed me a paper today. 9:14 in the morning. The pantry on the 21st floor. She looked at the floor when she did it. The paper said my name. It said stay…

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21Jul

Did Not Look Away

Today Park Myung-hee called me in again. Same week. She said Ji-woo will sign. The next two months will feel like a court. She looked right at me. At lunch I sa…

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20Jul

the quiet after

He left this morning. Cha. Four hours early. I knew before anyone told me. You can feel it when a room goes empty like that. His helper left a brown paper thing…

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19Jul

She Slept on a Couch

I am so tired. My feet hurt. The lobby was busy. Hye-jin pulls Ji-woo off the Cha floor today. Moves her to breakfast. No ask. Dong-hyun runs to Im. First time…

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18Jul

Third name in the book

She came down the stairs at midnight. Her jacket was open. Her hands were cold. I held her. I did not ask yet. I just held her. A man's phone was face up by the…

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17Jul

Two Words Back

It is late. I am so tired. Tonight I poured champagne for the Lotte people. Twenty four tables. The east wing coat. Not my usual one. It smelled like someone el…

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16Jul

Half on, half off

A note came in my work inbox today. Park Myung-hee signed it. She said I had the 21st off. I read it three times. Then Manager Im walked past Cha's desk. He pic…

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15Jul

I think I am next

I do a scary thing today. I slip a note into HR. About a guest. About what I see. His name is not on it. I am too smart for that. Phone rings. Park Myung-hee. S…

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14Jul

Her name in blue ink

I did not sleep well. My stomach hurt before I got up. I sat on the rooftop with my coffee and waited. Hye-jin came. She knew. About the note. About my name cro…

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13Jul

My Name Is Mine to Give

Today Sung-jun gave me a new VIP. Mr. Bang. Big money. Big name. But that is not why I am still thinking about him. His file says he asked the staff where she w…

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12Jul

She Did Not Ask Me

Eomma called at 4:02. She did not say hello first. She said Min-ji got a big job at Kakao. Senior. Min-ji called home to thank her. I used my work voice. The br…

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