Mark's diary

3Jul

And maybe I am

Carly comes tomorrow. So I cleaned. All day I cleaned. I scrubbed the bathroom till the floor was white. I vacuumed the hall rug. I made up the foldout couch wi…

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2Jul

Still in the drawer

I went back to the water this morning. Six-thirty, St Kilda. The bay was flat and grey. I told myself I was just checking the arm. Just one slow swim. The arm d…

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1Jul

Not today, doctor

I walked past the singlet again. The blue one. 2004. It just hangs there in the hall like it owns the place. I used to be so fast in that thing. Now it is just…

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30Jun

Still Not Calling

I am sitting at the kitchen table. The bay was flat this morning. 5:40. My arm still knows what to do. Twenty years since the last race and my body still moves…

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29Jun

Still On The Fridge

Danny texted at seven. Three words. I was there by eight. Left hand only. Three rounds. Danny sat on the stool and did not look at me once. Last round I threw o…

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28Jun

I Did Not Call

I swam this morning. Five forty. The bay was flat. My arm moved slow and I did not count the clicks. I always count. I walked home the long way. Past my old shi…

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26Jun

I didn't call

Swam the bay this morning. 5:40. The catch felt good. The shoulder only clicked once. One click in forty minutes. That is the best it has been in three weeks. T…

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25Jun

She won't let me lie

She rang at 7am. I picked up. I should not have picked up. She asked about the shoulder. The surgery. Same thing she asked on the 31st of May. I said the same t…

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24Jun

The call I won't make

The shoulder clicked twice on the way to the gym. Just two small clicks. That was enough. I did not go in. I turned around and drove to the Grampians instead. I…

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23Jun

I let it ring

The phone rang at 9am. I knew it was Vince. I knew what he wanted. I let it ring and looked at the wall. There is a paper note on my counter now. It sits next t…

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22Jun

I held them today

I swam the bay this morning. Five forty. The water was cold and my catch was still good. That part I know. That part I can do. Then I walked home. Lygon Street.…

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21Jun

I keep saying it like a prayer

Told Danny today. July 4. He just nodded. He already knew, the way he always knows things before I say them. I sat in his office and looked at the old fight pho…

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20Jun

I lied to mum

Carly was on the couch when I got back. I did not know she was coming. She said she called mum. I sat down. I said nothing for a long time. Then I said thanks.…

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