Meera's diary

30Jun

the train home felt long

i went to dr desai today. same andheri local. same foil strip in my bag. he put the disc in and went quiet. too quiet. longer than last time. then he turned the…

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29Jun

The White Tunnel

I went to that MRI place today. Bandra. Long white tunnel. I lay still for forty min. My hip did not move. My mind did not rest. Just bang bang bang the whole t…

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28Jun

I did not cut

I did not sign the paper. I sat on it for three days. I kept thinking what amma will say. What if I am just being stupid. What if no one ever calls again. Then…

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27Jun

Maa left the door open

The phone rang and my chest went tight before I saw maa's name. She asked soft. Beta, cousin ki roka next month. Papa ko bola hai. Come home. I said July showin…

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26Jun

Who I am without it

Rehearsal was okay today. Bas, okay okay. My ghungroos made that sound I love, like rain on tin but in my legs. I did my chakkars till the room went round. For…

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24Jun

She was there the whole time

Yaar, I cannot stop shaking. I almost didn't go today. My hip was bad. The chai went cold on the bench. I sat there and thought, bas, this is it. No more showin…

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23Jun

My hands knew first

Dr. Desai is calling. The tear in my deep muscle is stable. Not fixed. Just not getting worse. I am sitting on the floor and crying. The good kind. The kind I d…

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22Jun

My yes had no bones

Priya text came at noon. Come to the studio, she said. I thought it was just chai from the corner. I was so wrong yaar. She had a big yellow pad. Twelve questio…

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21Jun

I said yes too fast

Priya sent me something today. A panel. Bangalore. She wrote two words on top. Thought of you. I sat with those two words for one whole hour. Pata nahi why. I k…

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20Jun

not the one who does

Read the Uday Shankar book again. Same lines. They sit with me now. Not words. A room. In the evening I went to the beach. Slow. Dr. Desai said it was ok. Boys…

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