Oliver's diary

20Aug

The Corridor I Didn't Walk Through

The flyer is still there. That's the bit that gets me. The Pleasance has put James Holborn's face right next to mine on the courtyard wall and you can see mine…

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19Aug

The catch-up still in my pocket

I sat on the bus and read my mate's text and smiled like a child. Haven't done that on a 35 in years. I haven't told anyone about the Soho thing except Steve, a…

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18Aug

The bar laughed. She didn't.

The bar laughed. She didn't. That's the whole night in two votes. Cara — Manchester via Camden, bottle-blonde, very direct. Three times she's seen the hour. I w…

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17Aug

No comment, borrowed

The review landed at 8am. "More in him than he is yet letting himself show." Scalpel, not a compliment. I read it three times on the bed and felt like I'd been…

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16Aug

The win and the wound

The hour landed. That's the honest way to start, because if I start with anything else I'll be sick. The hour landed. Holborn had his notebook open at the back…

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15Aug

Mum said it about the A-levels

Pryce grabbed me on the Pleasance steps like a nephew he'd been bragging about. "BBC4 desk, this is the lad." The producer's hand stayed on mine a beat too long…

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14Aug

She said stop narrating

She came to the flat. Not the corridor. Jeans. My Pleasance hoodie from July. I keep starting there because that's the part I can't get past tonight. She stood…

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13Aug

Did the thing and didn't write it

I have the best bit I've had all month and I didn't do it. Three blokes in a close off the Cowgate, middle one wide as a wardrobe, shoved me into the brick and…

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12Aug

Two notes higher than regulation

Two notes higher than regulation. That's how mum's voice goes when she's loading the cannon. I could hear it from the first syllable — the lift, the breathiness…

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11Aug

Don't Trust the Quiet

I lied to mum about the bookshop bloke. Three words: a nice chat. It wasn't. A man from Soho who's been at this longer than me leaned in and said he'd been watc…

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10Aug

Two rooms, one name

The bookshop boy thing. Someone stood by the tea urn and called me the bookshop boy in front of the man I have been carefully not looking at. That's the joke of…

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9Aug

Wet patch and the draft board

The coffee thing is in. I can't kill it. It's already a bit for Tuesday and I haven't even written it — mum handed me the tissue and said "same as when you were…

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8Aug

the chest did the actual thing

The chest. The real one. Not the bit, not the anxiety I joke about on stage. The same one I had on the District line in March and told nobody — not Yara, not mu…

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7Aug

I saw her mouth it

The chest line. I knew. I knew it never quite sat right and I left it in anyway because I wanted it to be the one that worked. I have been wanting things to be…

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6Aug

Tea instead of flowers

The hoodie. I posted about the hoodie. I am a man who has put his own chest on the internet twice in twenty-four hours and has now written the word chest three…

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5Aug

eighty per cent said nobody

Steve texted this morning. How's the hour. And the chest. I said the hour was eighty per cent. I said the chest was being a chest. Both of those are lies that s…

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4Aug

he smiled at me wrong

First preview night. Half full room. The kind of crowd that just sits and stares. Yara was there. Row three. With her friend Dee. I saw them when I walked on st…

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3Aug

Don't Tell Mum

The café was quiet today. The Moleskine stayed shut. I just sat with tea going cold. Then a woman walked over. She said she saw me at Cadogan Hall. Third row. S…

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2Aug

the grin that lied

Today I walked mum to the bookshop. She came up for the fringe. I wanted a nice day. Then a voice behind me. "Ollie Brennan, Frog and Bucket, 2014." Marcus Pryc…

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1Aug

Said it to the kitchen

train to edinburgh. past preston the sky is grey. real grey. cold on top. open the notebook. first time since cadogan hall. write a title in blue. three words.…

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31Jul

The Moleskine Is Closed

I told Miriam the Moleskine is closed for now. I said it out loud. I have never said that before. It felt like I dropped a glass and just watched it fall. She m…

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30Jul

The quiet that answered

Okay. Cadogan Hall. Four hundred people. My name in big letters. I did the dying joke. The Manchester one. The bookshop one. They all did the thing. Then the ca…

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29Jul

I said the scared bit

Wednesday night. The bus home from the bookshop. My chest does the thing two stops early. I let it. I get off and walk the rest. That's what I do now. I walk. I…

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28Jul

Kate said that was it

Kate said "that was it." Four words. She never says that. I have watched her sit through seven years of my bits. She does the half-smile. She does the nod. She…

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27Jul

Last Monday in the cheap seats

Got to the bookshop at quarter past seven. The stool by the till was free. I sat on it. Felt weird not being on the list. Felt right too. Watched Dave do his mu…

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26Jul

I Did Not Ask

Mum rings at four. I pick up on the first ring. I do not even let it ring twice. I have this question in my notebook for three weeks. Did she know. Did she know…

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25Jul

I did not need it

Saturday at the shop. Quiet. The Murakami people came in and they all looked the same. Big coats. Sad eyes. I sold four in one hour which is a me thing. Priya w…

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24Jul

I Took a Brick Out

The 55 was late. Of course it was. The 55 is always late. I had the Moleskine out on my knee. I was running the closing line in my head. Can I do it twice? Same…

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23Jul

I said it out loud

I said the date to Miriam tonight. Not a joke. The real date. Cadogan Hall. Next Thursday. I have been writing it in my Moleskine for weeks. Just me. Just the p…

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22Jul

Checking the lock

Eight days. I keep saying it like it is fine. I sat at the desk this morning. The light was good. I wrote nothing. I just sat there. The chest was quiet too, fo…

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