Mark's diary

10Aug

Thirty seconds on the bench

The cut opened again. Same spot above the brow. I stood in the change room and could see the brightness in my own eyes that I don't like — the one that means my…

Read

9Aug

The shoulder didn't click

Someone almost killed me this morning and didn't see me do it. Three feet between the jetski and my chest. I keep turning that number over like it's a measureme…

Read

8Aug

The word swimmer

Lev said swimmer loud enough for the floor. That is the word that has been following me for three years and he put it on me in front of Voss, in front of my own…

Read

7Aug

Took the knee, said last

The floor saw it. Rob, Lachie, Hannah, two fighters I don't know, all standing there watching blood run off my brow onto the canvas, and my face did something I…

Read

6Aug

The seam got me

The seam got me. Not Voss, not the Northside kid, not the bag corner — the curled-up rubber mat nobody bothered to glue down. That's the kind of thing that deci…

Read

5Aug

Read Wrong

Two days ago Lachie hit me. Yesterday Lev said swimmer playing boxer on Rob's phone. Today a stranger at the abseil wall told me I should be on a calendar. Thre…

Read

4Aug

Swimmer Playing Boxer

Rob left his phone on speaker in the hall. Lev's voice. My name. Swimmer. He said swimmer playing boxer. He said it like a fact. Like the weather. I walked past…

Read

3Aug

maybe he was right

glove blew today. mid hook. velcro gave up after three years of me forgetting to fix it. the whole floor saw it skid to the ropes. and josh, way over in the cor…

Read

2Aug

The wrist thing

The shoulder clicks clean today. That felt good. But my right wrist is not right. I taped it before rounds. Rob saw. He did not ask. I did not say. I keep think…

Read

1Aug

Said yes too fast

The Manila envelope is still on the counter. Has been there since the thirtieth. I walk past it. Dr Reyes's number is right there on the receipt. I do not call.…

Read

31Jul

The shoulder held today

I swam this morning. Six fifteen. The bay was grey and the wind bit my face. I got in. The catch came through and my arm followed and the shoulder clicked clean…

Read

30Jul

left it on the counter

I stood in the hall at six. The singlet is still up there. 2004. I did not take it down. I walked to the kitchen. I opened the drawer under the spare thermals.…

Read

29Jul

The Drawer Stays Shut

The drawer stayed shut. I stood there. Phone in one hand. Envelope in the other. I put it away a whole month ago. I can see the names right through the paper. I…

Read

28Jul

The flinch I recognise

The shoulder did it again. Clean click on the fourth stroke, same as yesterday. Two days in a row now. I know what that means. I know what it doesn't mean. I he…

Read

27Jul

Held pads. Didn't phone.

Held pads for a new kid today. Josh. Eighteen. He listens, that's the thing. Most kids nod and do what they want. Josh nods and does what I say. Danny signed hi…

Read

26Jul

I Said Yeah

The shoulder clicked on round three. Then again on round four. Same spot. Same sound. Like a little snap that only I hear. After the bag Danny pulled me in. He…

Read

25Jul

running from the pool

I swim the bay. six fifteen. water is grey. wind is mean. the shoulder clicks on the fourth stroke. it does not break. my arm just keeps going. I stand up in th…

Read

24Jul

The drawer stayed shut

Sparring day. Danny put me in with Lachie for two light rounds. My shoulder clicked clean on the third hit. No pain. Nothing. That is the problem. Nothing. Lach…

Read

23Jul

six years easy

Took Pete down the cliff track today. Soft bloke from Brisbane. We kept it easy. He asked how long I had been doing this. I said six years. The number sat in my…

Read

22Jul

The drawer stays shut

Apex today. Wrapped Lachie's hands and the other lads fighting tonight. Three rounds on the heavy bag. My shoulder clicked clean on the third. That part felt ri…

Read

21Jul

I did not pick it up

Woke up before the alarm. Drove to St Kilda in the dark. Water was grey and cold and my arms knew what to do. Fourth stroke, my shoulder clicked. Once. Then it…

Read

20Jul

The receipt I left up

Stir-fry in the pan when Carly rang. She asked did I ring them. I said yeah. She went quiet on the line. The pan got too hot. I told her about Thursday. The slo…

Read

19Jul

The List Runs to Autumn

The shoulder clicked clean on the third round. Not the bad click. The good one. I worked the heavy bag three rounds and felt every one. Danny was at the desk. W…

Read

18Jul

I didn't call her

Brett asked me today how long I have been doing this. Six years. I said it like it was nothing. But it is six years since the pool. Six years of pie shops and c…

Read

17Jul

taught myself not to want

went back to the bay this morning. alone. wind off the south west. flags pulled flat on the club. went in anyway. did the slow laps. just the catch and the pull…

Read

16Jul

I picked up the phone

I am at the bench. The phone is right here. The receipt is right here. I keep looking at both. I picked it up and I did not put it down. I called the office. My…

Read

15Jul

I went back in

I swam this morning. Six am. St Kilda. The water was grey and I did not tell anyone I was going. I had a slot. I should have called and given it up. I did not c…

Read

14Jul

Didn't see that one

trained this morning. Apex. put the gloves on and told myself, today is just today. got in with Lachie. second go he hit me on the shoulder. one clean hit I did…

Read

13Jul

The singlet is still up

I trained this morning. Lachie wants a title fight in six months. Good for him. He still wants big things out loud. I hit the bag. Round four, the shoulder clic…

Read

12Jul

I did not dial

The water was grey this morning. Same grey as always. I swam and my shoulder clicked on the fourth stroke. Clean. No pain. That used to be the bad part. Now it…

Read