Meera's diary

31Jul

Still in the plastic

The little mermaid grabbed my dupatta and I let her. Twenty minutes. I built the magic trick around her grip. I crouched, I stretched, I turned the silk into a…

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30Jul

I deleted the post

Today I sat in the kitchen a long time. I wrote a big post about hands on my waist and wooden bars I held. My fingers shook. I looked at it one minute. Then I d…

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29Jul

I Made My World Small

Meenal said his name first. I almost dropped my cold coffee, yaar. He is on two more lists. August. Lonavala side. Big rooms. Loud rooms. The kind where I would…

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28Jul

Receipt on the floor, draft in the bin

Woke up on the kitchen tiles and the first thing I did was check if my knees were cold. They weren't. The chhadi was folded on the counter above me and I don't…

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26Jul

Seen. No reply.

Third sangeet night. The bride asked for a slow song. I did it for her. The nani cried again. She held my hand after and said beta you have a gift. I gave her t…

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25Jul

The envelope I never saw

Second sangeet night. I was good. The room loved me, I think. Between songs I went for water. Dim end of the corridor. Karan was there. Envelope in his hand, no…

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24Jul

Something at the bar

Six numbers done. Room was on fire. Bride's ma danced with her papa and I almost cried on mic. Held it. I am a pro. Sab thik. But yaar. Between the second and t…

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23Jul

He asked. I lied.

Today Faisal leaned in. White shirt. He asked me if I host private events. I said no. I used my cold voice yaar, the one that means stop. Good. But here is the…

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22Jul

I packed the bag anyway

AC is dead. Just clattering. Lonavala paper still on the counter, coffee went cold next to it. Very heroine of me. Called Trupti at eleven. Yaar, I used my good…

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21Jul

Three Outfits, One Lie

Three outfits on the bed. Picked each one slow, like it mattered. Packed the alarm. Pepper spray. Chhadi. That new door alarm still in the plastic, I did not ev…

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20Jul

Two Envelopes and One Chhadi

yaar i am still shaking. the bride's mum cried at my second number. she really cried. hands on her mouth. the whole room saw it. i kept going. that is the job.…

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19Jul

the boy held my skirt

today a small boy held my skirt the whole magic show. he was scared of the magic man. i just did the show with him behind me. my eyes went wet. i don't know why…

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18Jul

Still In Plastic

The chhadi is on the counter. The bag is packed. The alarm is still in plastic. I asked one simple thing today. Is there a room for us away from the guests? Fou…

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17Jul

I didn't send it

Signed the contract. Did not send the note. That is the whole day, yaar. I sat with the laptop open for hours. Gate open only if needed. Driver on call. No film…

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16Jul

Sab thik, my foot

The fan is loud. Chhadi still on counter from morning. I did not even make chai. Trupti read four terms. Gate open. Driver on call. No film in main hall. Leave…

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15Jul

Two Hundred People Watching

He followed me to the stairs. Navy suit. Big man. He said my mic was too loud in front of everyone. Two hundred people. I just stood there and smiled. Smile, sm…

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14Jul

she picked me anyway

The call was at 11. Ritu was on time. I sat on my bed with my phone and my coffee and I was shaking. Pata nahi why. It is just a call. She said my rate. No figh…

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13Jul

I Did Not Type Back

4:35 in the morning. Dark. Vinod 's auto is the only thing moving on our road. I carried two bags and the kurta cover down by myself. No one saw. That is the pa…

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12Jul

July is not fine

Maan called. I was ready. Papa's shirt, Sujata jeans, hair done. She asked about Guru Purnima. I talked about Karjat. Sixteen minutes on train timing and auto w…

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11Jul

I said yes too fast

I woke up. Sun on my face. Read Neha's note again. Typed back right away. Yes. Yes please. Yes yes yes. Three times. Yaar, I could not stop. Hands shook a littl…

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10Jul

I Will Forget Tomorrow

Priya text at 8 a.m. Public. Audience next week. My heart sinks. First three min. I run it twenty-two times. Second three min. Eleven times. I lose count somewh…

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9Jul

The Pause Knew First

Got to the studio at seven. One full hour early. I never do that. Sat on the floor and the keycard was still in my bra strap. Lazy. Or maybe my hands were too f…

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8Jul

Read it three times

Slept bad. Auto to Mahim again. Same guy. He did not ask how I am doing. Thank god. I would cry if he asked. Doctor Desai said the line again. Slower this time.…

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7Jul

The call I did not answer

Maa called at six. I was on the stairs. The same ones from last time. Tanvi is getting roka'd. August eighth. Papa has to bring me home. I said okay. Three time…

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6Jul

Eleven Hours Of Nothing

Today my body said no. Not out loud. Just the deep hip again. That low ache on the right. Still there. Like a cat that will not leave. I tried to hold a pause f…

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5Jul

The psoas went quiet

I wore the red tee again. Day three. Don't tell anyone. I worked on the pause. Not the spin, not the foot. The pause. The part where I stop and don't stop. I ha…

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4Jul

I cut her out

Today I cut her out. My chakkardar. The one guru ji put into my body when I was thirteen. The one I used to do in my sleep. I sat on the mat and said it out lou…

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3Jul

I ran it forty times

Aanya came at half past nine. She sat on the floor by the mirror. I did not ask her to. She just did. She had her thermos. The slow tick was set at sixty. I ran…

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2Jul

the mirror knows

went back to the andheri studio today. first time in three days. I thought I was ready. I tried the long phrase. the one for the navrasa solo. the one that live…

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1Jul

the report i opened

i sat on the studio floor today. no shoes. no chai. just me and two docs on my phone. one is priya ma'am. she said yes. july 25. two pm. black floor. ninety min…

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